This is Part 3 of 3
The previous poem is my attempt to convey in as simple way as possible, the first spontaneous mystical opening in the form of a non-dual revelation. Words cannot convey the direct perception/ knowing ... this gnosis ... unexpected.
This unspoken direct knowing for me:
It is not in Truth to hold the despair, anxiety, and burden of humanity. Things are not as they seem. There is a veil which obscures our understanding of Reality. There is a transcendent; immanent in all things, is all things. Life is momentum, continual process through us/ me. All things relate to what has come before, which we cannot control, and cannot comprehend the depth and breadth of that interconnection. Do not take this so seriously; hold it lightly. It is all good just as it is. Harmony.
This left me with such relief and joy. There was some understanding (which made perfect sense during this yoke and yet most of the time here is hard to commensurate with our suffering) about how events of the world/ our life come to be and that there is meaning to this whole constructed world, and our Being.
Gnosis comes not through words or concepts but through FELT experience - a whole body/mind/soul knowing and feeling of Transcendence, of Immanence, .. of Love, of Tenderness, of Momentum, of Joy, ...anything that is needed to be known is wholeheartedly FELT/KNOWN, thus there is no separation. Later, we use reflection and words to try to 'point to' ... Thus, empathy on the part of the listener/ reader is very helpful to partaking in what is shared.
This numinous experience changed the trajectory of my life. My sense of 'being', 'way of being', and knowing (gnosis and ontology) in this world transformed slowly and this process continues. These types of experiences are known to be deeply personal and transformative. It is an experiential knowing with such affective resonance that can't be conveyed, only through approximates. It is also true that the understandings that come are hard to relativise in the historical realm, some things don't translate smoothly and don't neatly fit into 'progressive', 'conservative', 'humanistic', 'religious', 'scientific' or any such views or notions. But, the perspective and experience helps in the navigation of circumstances.
It took a few years before I came across, 'randomly' in a second-hand bookstore, a copy of The Bhagavad Gita, and found something that profoundly spoke to the experience. Later, this included The Upanishads. The Upanishads would still be my 'desert-island' book, it so speaks to this relationship and knowing. Importantly, there was still psychological immaturity, interpersonal mistakes and emotional trauma, and legacy from my life-story and culture, to process, and this has taken time. However, this first experience has always held the shape of this growing and learning; it still profoundly teaches me. It was gift and grace, completely unearned and I will always be grateful for the widening of perception it initiated.
Please follow this link for Part Two.
Please follow this link for Part One.